Stuff Green People Like: Acronyms. (Absurdly Contrived Representations Of Names Yielding Mass Stupefication)

You know you're in a crowd of greenies when you CUADWTS (can't understand a damn word they say). Acronyms were cool and useful back when they were used to abbreviate long and difficult things to say, as in light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation (LASER), Deoxyribonucleic Acid (DNA) or Bring Your Own Booze (BYOB).

Today greenies use them in place of sentences. Apparently they don’t realize the history of acronym overuse. If they did I doubt they would want to be associated with some one the greatest offenders, the United States Navy, whose acronyms include "ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC," meaning "Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command" and COMNAVSEACOMBATSYSENGSTA which stands for "Commander, Naval Sea Systems Combat Engineering Station."

Some of my favorite greenie acronyms include EMS – meaning environmental management system OR energy management system, depending on the user. The best way to determine what a colleague is referring to, without sounding like a fool for asking, is to check for a pocket protector. If a pocket protector is present, you're likely dealing with an engineer who is referring to an ENERGY management system. If dressed in Patagonia (for more info on what you're dealing with read post Patagonia), you're dealing with an overpriced hip executive who is likely referring to an ENVIRONMENTAL management system.

CSR – meaning “Corporate Social Responsibility” or more likely meaning Cut Sustainability Resources (but still want to market something).

Greenie Tip of the Day: Try to incorporate “AHOYA,” meaning “asshole of the year award”, into a work related conversation today. If you're dealing with a greenie they won’t know what you're saying but be too afraid ask (Beware, avoid using it with superiors, as a greenie they will likely Google it when they get home.)

Back to work before I get my BPO (business process outsourced)!