Stuff Green People Like - Goji Berry

How would you be feeling if you were a Goji Berry? The economy is in the shitter. There's all kinds of price competition in the superfruit arena with blueberries, cranberries and black currents. And then the Acai Berry comes along locking up the luxury superfruit market, touting all of its special properties, from detoxification to enhancing sexual performance.

Luckily the Goji Berry is a greenie favorite. The Goji Berry only grows in the high mountains of China and Tibet, but greenies allow for the deviation from their "local only" diets for this special treat. And who wouldn't be willing to sacrifice a little CO2 emission for the laundry list of health benefits, including life extension, spirit brightening and kidney health.

Some Goji options include Goji Juice, Goji Granola (another greenie favorite) and even carob or chocolate covered Goji Berries. But don't be fooled by the beautiful color or expense of this berry; it tastes like shit!

If you have any physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, digestional, etc, etc, etc problems, add Goji to your diet and you will be cured.*

Oprah loves Goji Berries. Don't you want to be more like Oprah?




*this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA and I made it up.

Stuff Green People Like: Acronyms. (Absurdly Contrived Representations Of Names Yielding Mass Stupefication)

You know you're in a crowd of greenies when you CUADWTS (can't understand a damn word they say). Acronyms were cool and useful back when they were used to abbreviate long and difficult things to say, as in light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation (LASER), Deoxyribonucleic Acid (DNA) or Bring Your Own Booze (BYOB).

Today greenies use them in place of sentences. Apparently they don’t realize the history of acronym overuse. If they did I doubt they would want to be associated with some one the greatest offenders, the United States Navy, whose acronyms include "ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC," meaning "Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command" and COMNAVSEACOMBATSYSENGSTA which stands for "Commander, Naval Sea Systems Combat Engineering Station."

Some of my favorite greenie acronyms include EMS – meaning environmental management system OR energy management system, depending on the user. The best way to determine what a colleague is referring to, without sounding like a fool for asking, is to check for a pocket protector. If a pocket protector is present, you're likely dealing with an engineer who is referring to an ENERGY management system. If dressed in Patagonia (for more info on what you're dealing with read post Patagonia), you're dealing with an overpriced hip executive who is likely referring to an ENVIRONMENTAL management system.

CSR – meaning “Corporate Social Responsibility” or more likely meaning Cut Sustainability Resources (but still want to market something).

Greenie Tip of the Day: Try to incorporate “AHOYA,” meaning “asshole of the year award”, into a work related conversation today. If you're dealing with a greenie they won’t know what you're saying but be too afraid ask (Beware, avoid using it with superiors, as a greenie they will likely Google it when they get home.)

Back to work before I get my BPO (business process outsourced)!

Mountain Bike Tour Guide - Santa Cruz

Two super hot chicks looking for a mountain bike tour guide for somewhere around Santa Cruz on Wed. Feb 11, 2009. We are very flexible, in terms of timing and flexible in general. Ideally, this MAN would be able to not only show us the greatest singletrack in SC, but also be willing and able to ride alongside us to feed us Luna moons (pomegranate flavor) and/or Mini Clif bars throughout the ride. The applicant must wear the Mario Chippolini kit, as referenced is this link http://www.deportesadictos.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/mario.jpg
Don't bother applying unless you are:
Single
Attractive
Under 35
Not a psycho or stalker/rapist
As a bonus, you should also tell us how impressed you are with our skill and speed and offer to tow us up hills. One more small thing...you should cook us dinner after and offer to drive us back to Sonoma county so we can drink beer.
Please send a photo, why you're interested and you're availability.

Stuff Green People Like: Patagonia

Patagonia, also known as "Patagucci," is the uniform of greenies. For those of you not in the know, Patagonia designs, markets and sells clothing for outdoor adventurists (and yoga). They have recently launched a "carefree sophistication" marketing strategy, which perfectly targets the new age green executives, who have been searching endlessly for a socially acceptable alternative to their traditional staples for Friday casual wear such as J. Crew and L.L. Bean.

"Green and natural" moms can also find their necessities from Patagonia, such as 25 dollar organic cotton low-rise thongs, the hippest yoga tops, or even trail running skirts. If you're a little more adventurous, check out the Women's Finn shoe. This 100% vegan hiking shoe is Greenie dream footwear, having won the 2007 Outside Green Gear Award.

Wanna get risque, while still saving the planet? Try bending over in these:

Patagonia also has almond butter and jelly resistant clothing for the green child, such as the baby synchilla® vest, made from 85% recycled polyester. God knows if you don't buy this vest for little Johny there will be no planet left when he's all grown up.

While you're browsing for cashmere hooded sweaters or $400 waterproof jackets you might check out Patagonia's suggested reading list, which can be found here. This is a great resource for Green People who can't bear the idea of being out read. It includes Greenie classics such as The Omnivores Dilemma, some hardcore enviro fiction in the Monkey Wrench Gang and, for the total longshot, Harvest For Hope by Jane Goodall.

The only thing the Patagonia website is missing for Greenies is a Blog on the latest environmental degradation, but wait, it's got that too!

For the double green whammy, order your Patagoina branded Sigg bottle (as shown top left) at www.patagonia.com

Mollie's first post.

While standing in the not so "express" line this morning at whole foods, submitting to the muffin craving that had conquered Michaela somewhere between Novato and finding a parking spot at DU, we were inspired by something organic to start a blog.  Perhaps it was the mini maple glazed doughnuts.

I had considered starting a blog in the past, but blew it off because I knew no one would ever read it.  But tonight I am moving beyond that.  Now, my apologies if this post seems grammatically effed up or a little comma happy (especially sorry to John Stayton).  It is Friday night at 10pm and my editor is off at a bar, but being the budding entrepreneur that I am, I am staying home to finish a super fun financial model (or to procrastinate by starting a blog).

So here it goes:  The main theme of this blog is to talk about the things green people like - like tote bags and hummus.  Secondarily, we will talk about mountain biking (mostly crashes), kombucha (from brewing to pooping), and loads of personal stuff (so stay tuned - especially all you stalkers out there!).  Some other options include, but are not limited to, Michaela's recipes (stolen from Oprah), my strange relationship with my dog, Quickbooks tips from the Queen of Quickbooks (her book comes out in the fall) and non-linear Green MBA insights.  

This blog is wabi sabi - So tolerate the ambiguity.